


Medical Advice

by EvanescentDreamer



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: EDI is snarky and sadistic, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Oral Sex, Talking to Mordin is awkward, Yaoi, totally worth it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-14
Updated: 2014-09-14
Packaged: 2018-02-17 07:38:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2301731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvanescentDreamer/pseuds/EvanescentDreamer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard wants to give Garrus his first blowjob. Unfortunately, this means he has to consult with Mordin to determine whether it will be safe for him to "ingest".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Medical Advice

**Author's Note:**

> Writing Mordin making people uncomfortable is far too entertaining, but not as entertaining as traumatizing Joker. Go forth and enjoy!

Shepard cracked his neck and took a deep breath as he walked down the hall to the tech labs. Talking to Mordin, while sometimes hilarious, had the tendency to wear away at his composure. This discussion was going to be particularly awkward-even more so than the previous “medical advice” the salarian had offered on Garrus. At least last time Mordin had started the discussion. The commander was not looking forward to having to actually ask about the subject. However, Shepard couldn’t deny that all of Mordin’s advice had been extremely helpful. He didn’t want to think about all of the possible mishaps if the scientist hadn’t cornered him that day. Shepard had a feeling that there would have been a considerably awkward time gap between his first and second times with Garrus if they’d been less informed. Honestly, less informed didn’t cover it. They would have been woefully uninformed. Garrus even admitted that he had frantically searched for human/turian porn after their last bout of flirting. The subject was apparently so unacceptable that the computer kept trying to correct his search. 

Luckily, they were able to avoid making complete fools of themselves. Instead, they had acted like hormonal teenagers and hadn’t really stopped until Joker started banging on his door and screaming that he couldn’t take EDI’s smug running commentary anymore. Shepard had been so amused by the extent of Joker’s embarrassment, I mean for fuck’s sake he’d come all the way to his room to make them stop, that he wasn’t even mad at EDI for eavesdropping. Later, when he’d asked a slightly traumatized Joker why he hadn’t just used one of their communicators or the speakers in his room the commander found out that EDI had disabled them. She actually forced Joker to either put up with her or walk to the room himself. Joker didn’t appreciate it when Shepard broke down in laughter. 

Shepard was brought out of his reminiscence as the door to the tech labs slid open with a soft whoosh. Mordin was standing at his terminal and didn’t even look up from whatever calculations he was working on. Shepard stepped inside and waited patiently until the salarian was finished. “Ah, commander. Good to see you. Working on new upgrades. Should be useful.” 

“Sounds great, Mordin. I’m sure I’ll enjoy trying them out.” He took a deep breath. Here came the hard part. “So, I need help with something.”

“New weapon mods not functioning properly? Need me to re-evaluate?” The scientist had already started toward him to take a look at his weapons before Shepard cleared his throat. “No. The mods are working fine. I just-” The commander scrubbed a hand across his face.

“I need more medical advice.” Mordin just sort of stared at him for and second and then his eyes widened slightly, if that was even possible for someone with eyes that big. “I see. Difficulty in bedroom? Need new positions? Lube inadequate? Could suggest different brands.” 

To Shepard’s rising discomfort he realized that Mordin had already started searching lube brands at his terminal. “No, Mordin. The lubes we’ve been using work great.” The salarian’s hands paused at his terminal and he cocked his head at the commander. “Really, Mordin. That’s not the issue.”

“Apologies. Should not have jumped to conclusions. Very unprofessional. What do you need?” Rather than answering Shepard simply stuck out his arm and tilted it so that Mordin could see the underside of his forearm. There was an almost unnoticeable pinkish splotch about the size of a dime close to his wrist. Shepard thanked whoever or whatever was listening when the scientist immediately realized what he was looking at. At least he didn’t have to explain.

“Good news. Reaction very mild. How recent?” The commander desperately fought down the blush he could feel creeping across his face. “Twenty minutes or so.”

“Ah. Post-mission stress relief. Good to soothe tension before making reports. Can prevent rash statements and retorts.” Shepard wondered if it was possible to die from embarrassment. It certainly felt like it. “With or without injection I provided?”

“Without.” Mordin seemed surprised but pleased. “Remarkably resistant to it then. Bodes well for you.” Shepard swore he could hear Mordin smirking at him. Shepard kept telling himself that it was going to be worth the embarrassment once he got out of here. “You had a question?”

“I was wondering, based on- on this reaction whether you thought it would be safe for me to…” Shepard trailed off awkwardly. This was more difficult than he thought it would be. Mordin was starting to stare and tilt his head again. “Ingest.” He finally forced out.

“Oh. I see.” If it had been anyone but Mordin they would have been laughing at him. But there was something to be said for a person who could detach themselves from contaminating factors like emotion when presented with a scientific question. “Interesting.” The salarian returned his gaze to the terminal in front of him. Shepard thought he saw his and Garrus’s names flash briefly across the screen. The commander realized that Mordin was likely using their actual vitals and other health information to run scenarios. Great. That was not uncomfortable at all. A few minutes later Mordin seemed satisfied.

“Shouldn’t be a problem. Some discomfort, of course. Nothing serious. No more than what comes from what humans call deep-throating.” Shepard didn’t think it was possible to use that term in a purely clinical voice. He also hadn’t thought he could get more embarrassed. You learn new things every day. “Okay, could you give me another syringe?”

Now Mordin looked confused. “Ran diagnostics without injection stats. Shouldn’t be necessary.” Shepard shifted slightly and gave the scientist a crooked smile. “I heard you. That’s great and all but I figured, especially for the first time, I’d rather not risk a surprise blow job turning into surprise anaphylactic shock.” That actually made Mordin give a nod of approval.

“I see. Trying to limit risk factors. Very prudent. Commendable.” The salarian walked over to a cabinet and after a few moments of shifting some vials around he returned with a familiar syringe filled with greenish liquid. “Remember. Needs to be taken thirty minutes prior to activity. Useless otherwise.”

“I remember. Thanks, Mordin.” The salarian nodded and gave him a small wave as he turned back to his terminal. “Any time, commander. Have fun.” The smirk in his voice was back. Shepard imagined it would have been worse if Mordin realized that he took the injection as soon as he exited the tech lab. After making sure the coast was clear of course. Garrus said he was going to calibrate his guns in the battery and then go to the commander’s cabin. If Shepard had calculated correctly Garrus should be nearly finished. He spent the next thirty minutes checking in with the rest of the team about the mission. Honestly, it had been so minor there wasn’t much to talk about. It never hurt to check on everyone though. 

Finally, Shepard looked at his omni-tool and saw that it was time to get going. He walked quickly to the elevator and tapped his foot impatiently as it took him to the next deck. Shepard stopped in front of the doors to his cabin, butterflies he hadn’t felt since their first time battering at his insides. This is ridiculous. It’s just a blow-job. The thought didn’t help much because Shepard was painfully aware that it would be Garrus’s first. Turians weren’t really capable of giving them to each other. Sure they could lick, Shepard had first-hand experience with that, but that was about it. In order to actually put something in their mouths they had to flare their mandibles. In order to not injure their partner they’d have to flare them uncomfortably wide and be very careful of their teeth. And even if they somehow managed all of that and by some miracle didn’t accidentally scrape, bite, or pinch their lover- they were physically incapable of sucking. At least in the way that was required for a blow-job. One of Mordin’s pamphlets had helpfully pointed that out. Well, actually Mordin had written in a note to that effect because the turian pamphlets didn’t even have a section on oral sex. 

Shepard told himself he was thinking about it too much. “EDI.” 

“Yes, commander?”

“Make sure no one interrupts us barring an emergency.”

“Of course, commander.” Shepard almost left it at that but thought better of it. “And, EDI?”

“Yes?” Shepard smiled. “You are not to watch or listen in any way, even to torture Joker.” There was a significant pause. “EDI?”

“Understood, commander.” Shepard thought her normal monotone sounded disappointed but couldn’t be sure. He punched in the code for his door and walked through to see Garrus lounging on the couch. The turian had taken to wearing Shepard’s old t-shirts and sweat-pants when it was just the two of them. They were over-sized on the commander so they fit the turian fairly well and, as the sniper loved to point out, they were easy to remove. To Shepard’s amusement, he saw that Garrus was still wearing his visor. “I’ve started to suspect that you have some sort of fetish for that thing.”

Garrus chuckled, his sub-vocals a low rumble that made Shepard shiver with arousal. “No, I just enjoy watching your vitals skyrocket every time you see me.” It was Shepard’s turn to laugh. “So you’re just indulging some narcissism then?”

“Narcissism?” Garrus looked confused. “I’ll explain later.” He said as he moved toward his locker. He then started the process of removing his weapons and armor. After a few moments he heard movement behind him and two taloned hands started helping. “Impatient, love?”

“All we did was take the edge off earlier. I’ve wanted you naked since we got back on the shuttle.” Garrus’s sub-vocals were what Shepard had come to recognize as a possessive growl. That sound alone had the commander getting hard. Garrus made quick work of his armor and clothing until he was down to his boxers. The turian nuzzled into Shepard’s neck and bit down lightly as he palmed his erection through the fabric. Shepard let out a hungry moan and rolled his hips into the touch. “Fuck, that feels good.”

“It will feel even better when I’ve got you screaming under me.” Shepard made a desperate sound and bucked in Garrus’s hold. The turian’s tongue flicked along his neck as Garrus ran his talons lightly over his chest. “So eager already. Were you thinking about this while you were debriefing everyone?”

God, that voice. Shepard’s mind was already reeling and they hadn’t even done anything yet. The commander spun around and practically tore Garrus’s clothes off. Luckily, Garrus had the sense to leave his visor on the table before riling Shepard up. Otherwise, it would likely have been flung across the room and broken. 

Suddenly Garrus was the one moaning as Shepard peppered kisses across his mandibles and down the sensitive plates near his neck. His hands were running across the plates on Garrus’s thighs as he slowly licked his way down his chest. At some point Garrus had slipped his hand through Shepard’s hair. Every time the commander hit a sensitive spot he felt the talons spasm against his scalp and couldn’t help but smile. He was perfectly content to draw this out and purposefully avoided the seam between his legs. He chuckled against Garrus’s plate as he became more and more desperate with each lick and teasing touch. “Aren’t you the eager one?” 

Their eyes met as Shepard looked up with a wicked smile. Garrus groaned. “John, please.” That was what he’d been waiting for. He leaned forward and ran his tongue all the way down the seam. Garrus made a choked sound and tugged his hair, his other hand scrambling for purchase on the wall. It only took three more swipes of his tongue for the plates to part and unsheathe Garrus’s erection. 

Shepard immediately licked it from base to tip, panting at the sounds Garrus was making. He wrapped his hand around the base of Garrus’s cock and gave it a few strokes as he licked the head- watching his turian steadily lose control. “John, that feels so good.” 

“You have no idea what you’re in for if this is driving you crazy.” Garrus looked down at him, eyes unfocused as he tried to process what Shepard said. The commander didn’t give him a chance. He threw his left arm across Garrus’s hips to hold him against the wall. “Brace yourself, love.”

“What do you-” His question morphed into a howl as Shepard slid his cock into his mouth and sucked hard. Garrus’s whole body shuddered and the wall screeched in protest as the turian’s talons dug in. Shepard pulled back and laved at the head for a moment before starting a steady rhythm that had Garrus thrashing. Finally, he leaned back for a moment to let the turian catch his breath. Garrus’s eyes were wild and his voice was wrecked when he tried to speak. “What…John, I can’t-” 

Shepard interrupted him. “Are you ready to come, love?” That seemed to snap Garrus temporarily out of his trance. There was a defiant gleam in his eyes. 

“While that feels incredible, it will take more than that to make me come.” The fact that the turian was so out of breath undermined his confident tone. “Says the one who permanently damaged my wall and couldn’t speak until just now.”

“I’ll have you know that-” Shepard didn’t let him finish. He took a deep breath, relaxed his throat, and slid his mouth down to the base of Garrus’s cock in one smooth motion. Then he swallowed. “SPIRITS!” Garrus screamed. Shepard felt warmth flood down his throat and then slid his mouth up until he had just the head between his lips and sucked to get the last few bursts. Garrus was shaking above him and slowly slid down to sit on the floor. The turian was staring at him in blissed out shock.

“So, how was your first blow-job?” It took Garrus a minute to respond, and even when he did he still looked dazed. “That’s what that was? Humans actually survive doing that to each other all the time?” Shepard beamed at him. “Glad you enjoyed it.”  
“That is a drastic understatement. As soon as I recover I will demonstrate just how much I enjoyed it. I just hate that we’re going to have so much clean up later.” Garrus looked around for a moment and then his eyes went suddenly wide and panicked. “Wait, did you swallow it?! John, we have to go get Mordin. Why are you laughing? This isn’t funny!” 

“It’s fine, love. I’m fine. As hilarious as it would be, after all I’ve been through I’m not planning to have my boyfriend’s semen be my cause of death. Can you imagine having to write that report?” Garrus relaxed slightly and then groaned and put his face in his hands. 

“That means that Mordin knows.”

“Yes.”

“He’s going to be insufferable you know. He’ll never say anything to embarrass us outright but he’ll insist on asking how our research went.” 

“Based on the fact that I’m not dead or being rushed to him for emergency care I think he’ll know how it went.” Shepard pointed out. “True.”

“Now that your mild panic attack is over, why don’t you make good on that promise to show me how much you liked it?” When Garrus looked at him his eyes had already started to go dark and when he responded that possessive growl was back. “I think I can do that.”

It wasn’t until later that they found out that while EDI had technically followed Shepard’s orders she decided it was best to pre-emptively tell the entire crew that he and Garrus were busy before anyone asked. This meant everyone knew how long the two of them were having sex because EDI helpfully let the crew know they were “now available” the exact moment his door unlocked. Grunt wouldn’t stop congratulating them on their impressive stamina and Joker couldn’t look them in the eye for a week. A few days later, Shepard noticed that one of the medical files Mordin sent him had been updated. It now read: “Addendum- Human reactions may vary. Mild irritation observed. More research necessary.”


End file.
